When something good is too big to feel right away

A few days ago something arrived that I had worked toward for a long time: the manuscript about Autistic Mirror was accepted for publication by the academic journal Autism in Adulthood.

I felt nothing. No elation, no relief. Instead a strange tiredness and the reflex to keep working immediately.

I had actually expected to be immediately and hugely happy. So I asked my own app, and turned the answers into this article.

This is not ingratitude and not a question of character. It is a pattern many autistic people know: the big good news lands, but the reaction to it does not arrive, arrives late, or tips into exhaustion.

The phenomenon

From the outside it looks as if the moment does not matter. From the inside it does matter, it is just not retrievable. Between the event and the feeling there is a processing stretch that is longer and more expensive in autistic perception.

The answers below come from the Autistic Mirror app, generated live in German and translated here without changing their content.

User question

A journal has just agreed to publish an article about this app. I notice that it makes me strangely little happy and very exhausted at the same time. What is happening here?

Autistic Mirror (inside view)

Both at once makes neurological sense, even if it feels contradictory.

The exhaustion signal probably comes first. An acceptance like this immediately opens a series of open loops. Open loops are unfinished cognitive processes that the brain keeps running in the background because it registers them as unresolved. What comes next? Who coordinates what? What needs to be finished by when? These questions do not have to be thought consciously in order to consume processing capacity. The brain starts them automatically as soon as a new scenario is classified as real. The exhaustion is the perceptible expression of this suddenly increased background load.

The muted joy has a different mechanism. Monotropism means that autistic attention bundles intensively onto a narrow area instead of distributing itself. The emotion "joy about the acceptance" requires the brain to access future states in the same moment: what this recognition will mean, how it will feel, what it changes. But if the current attention tunnel is already occupied by the concrete present and by the open loops just forming, there is barely any capacity left for that future perspective. The joy is not absent, it is delayed.

On top of that, alexithymia can act as an amplifier. Alexithymia describes the difficulty of identifying and naming one's own emotional states in real time, because emotions are not retrievable through the direct bodily channel but have to be reconstructed cognitively. What you feel right now is perhaps the raw material of the emotion, before it has sorted itself into "joy" or "pride". It can surface hours or days later, once the background load has dropped and the brain has had time to process the event.

The muted experience of positive events, while the demand load becomes visible immediately, is a well described pattern in autistic inertia. Autistic inertia describes that state transitions are neurologically expensive, regardless of whether the new state is positive or negative. An acceptance is still a state transition, and the transition itself costs before the new state can feel pleasant.

This answer comes from Autistic Mirror. You can ask your own questions, about your situation.

The mechanism: deviation costs, regardless of sign

The core is predictive coding. The brain constantly computes predictions about the next moments and compares them with what actually arrives. When reality deviates from the prediction, a prediction error arises that has to be resolved. The internal model gets updated.

This computational cost is not inherently positive or negative. A large positive deviation costs the same processing effort as a large negative one. The news is good, the effort is high anyway.

User question

After the acceptance I was unable to do anything for two days. Not sad, just empty. Why does good news cost so much energy?

Autistic Mirror (inside view)

The reason is not the content of the news, but the processing effort that any unexpected information generates.

Predictive coding describes how your brain constantly computes predictions about the world and compares incoming information with those predictions. When reality deviates from the prediction, what arises is called a prediction error. This error has to be resolved by updating the entire internal model. That applies to threatening events just as much as to good ones. The valence of the news changes nothing about the computational cost.

An acceptance is also rarely a single event. It opens a chain of new unknowns: how will this turn out? What changes? What will be expected of me? Each of these open questions keeps running as an unresolved process. These are open loops. Open loops continuously bind cognitive capacity, even while you sleep or appear to be doing nothing.

The emptiness afterwards is not a failure but the result of a massed withdrawal of resources. The brain has put a large amount of energy into updating the model and needs time afterwards before other processes can run normally again. It feels empty because there genuinely is less available.

On top of that comes autistic inertia. Starting a new state, that is, moving out of the exhaustion phase into activity, is neurologically expensive and does not simply happen because the content of the situation feels good. The emotional value of the news does not directly reach the mechanism that initiates state transitions.

Why this looks like ingratitude from the outside

Anyone who does not know about the processing stretch sees only the result: no smile, no phone call, no celebration. The obvious reading is then that the event was not important enough to that person. This misreading is exactly the core of the double empathy problem: both sides interpret correctly according to their own model, and the two models do not fit each other.

User question

My best friend has just received a big professional acceptance that she worked toward for years. Since then she seems absent and exhausted instead of happy. I do not understand what is going on.

Autistic Mirror (outside view)

What you describe sounds like a phenomenon that often happens to autistic people after intense, long-term goal achievement: the nervous system is simply spent.

When someone works toward a goal for years, that is not a linear process for an autistic brain. Monotropism plays a central role here. Attention bundles intensively onto a single goal instead of distributing itself. That means this goal has occupied an enormous share of the available attention and regulation capacity for years. The prefrontal cortex has continuously spent energy to maintain planning, adaptation and persistence, at a level that in this intensity often does not exist for neurotypical people at all.

When the goal is then reached, that tunnel falls away. This sounds like relief. For the brain it is closer to an abrupt system collapse. The focus that bundled the energy is gone. The nervous system has no new task to orient toward, and at the same time no reserve left, because the reserve was used up by years of effort.

Added to this, the social expectation now is joy, celebration, communication, outward presence. Exactly at the moment when your friend has the least capacity for it. That expectation collides with what her nervous system needs right now, namely withdrawal and quiet.

What you see as absence is probably a shutdown. This is not emotional withdrawal in a social sense, but a neurological protective reaction: the system throttles itself because it is overloaded. Speech, facial expression and social responsiveness get powered down so the nervous system can stabilise.

The exhaustion in this is real. She has not "celebrated too little" or done anything wrong. She has simply used up an enormous amount over years, and now the body is settling the account.

The same situation, two perspectives. Autistic Mirror explains both.

What stays the same

The acceptance of a manuscript changes nothing about what this app is. Autistic Mirror remains not a medical device, not a diagnosis and not a replacement for therapy. It explains mechanisms, it does not treat.

Autistic Mirror explains autistic neurology individually, related to your situation. Whether for yourself, as a parent or as a professional.

Sources

Aaron Wahl
Aaron Wahl

Autistic, founder of Autistic Mirror

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